Not feeling peachy..

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The last few weeks have been exhausting for me.

I had to stay an extra week in my family’s house to take care of my brother and certain affairs since my uncle in Canada died the day after Thanksgiving. My family had to rush to Canada to be with the family and ended up staying a week there. I lost a week’s worth of work and I basically had to rush to finish everything at the end of the semester. It was not the way I envisioned to end my semester.

I also found out 2 months ago that I failed a methods qualifier that I took. I was devastated (still am) and now, I have to retake the exam this February. I’m studying again for it and its so painful. I feel like quitting graduate school and doing things on my bucket list instead (like teaching English in a developing country and traveling the world), even though I know my visa won’t allow it. I’m not used to failure in things that I actually tried and this failure makes me want to give up, to be honest. I know how to study for it now and how to approach it better but still..

My older sis has been trying to get a visa in the US for 10 years now.. She got rejected twice last month. It was really depressing and exhausting for my family and I.A lot of crying and suffering..

Even though I’m on break, I have so many things to do. I have to study for this exam, do my own research, and my professor just handed me in some work to do “whenever I can”, which means asap. SIGHHHHH. I feel like I need a confidence boost or to lift myself out of this drudgery somehow. Just feeling overwhelmed and overworked.

On the bright side, this month is my birthmonth so honey is taking me out to sushi with some friends and then we are going for drinks/dinner with my other friends! Honey barely gets to see my friends so it will be nice that he’ll be there. He’s on vacation this month but he’s studying for an exam too.

I also spoke with my professor today who suggested that I focus on a different area than what I was planning. She has a point in that my research project and interest relate more to that area than the current area I’m vouching for. I told her about my fears of marketability and she said that our skills and work are what make us marketable, not our areas. I can see myself continuing this project into a dissertation and I really want to continue..

Sigh, graduate school 😦

Oh, also on a random note, Honey and I are looking at two apartments tomorrow that we are potentially going to live in! Whee!

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