Just about finished my research proposal. Submitted my last paper to the professor. Will edit the proposal tomorrow before 5PM so my torture can end.
This proposal was really tough because I’d never done anything like this before. Its one thing to write a paper using one, two, even three articles. Its another to write one using 20+ articles, developing the methods, data, analysis and conclusion sections. Its totally different and novel to me, which is the source of my frustration.
So after this damn proposal, I’ll just have one exam left. I’m not too worried about it since we can use a cheat sheet and the last exam we had was ridiculously easy. If anything, I overstudied last time. I won’t make that same mistake this time.
I wanted to write something more personal in this blog since all I talk about is school 😛
The two most important things happening right now is my moving to my new apartment and relationship developments with the honey.
I got the official okay from the landlords last Thursday and I’ve sent my deposit in. So its a reality that this is actually going to happen. Its kind of crazy for me since the most I have had to myself is two rooms (The situation I have right now). When I send the proposal, I’m gonna start packing 🙂 I bought a desk, a toaster oven and a microwave to start with. The current computer desk at the current tenant’s place is not going to be helpful for me so I decided to get a light one. I can always upgrade later on.
On the relationship developments. It has been wonderful living in the same city as him. To give you guys some background, we both moved to the current city we live in for different reasons: I was here for a summer internship and he was here for work. We both joined an online dating site and found each other there. I went back to college and we were in a long-distance relationship (1-2 hrs away) for about a year or so. His city happened to have one of the best sociology programs in the nation–even if he wasn’t there, I would have applied anyway. As luck would have it, that program was the only program that accepted me (technically waitlisted, even) so I didn’t exactly have a choice on where to go (this is a rather great excuse to tell to his and my family hehe). We have been living in the same city for four months now and it has been really lovely. The relationship really is different when you’re 10-15 mins away from each other rather than 1-2 hours away.
I feel like we have been talking about things backwards. He told me initially that he wanted to have kids with me 4 months ago, and then he wanted to move in with me. (both in future context of course. I’m not having kids before I finish my PhD program and I’ve made that pretty clear.) We haven’t been talking about marriage but its kind of implied in all our talks about our future together.
Today I woke up next to him and as he was holding me in his arms, he said “You’re right where you’re supposed to be.”
“How do you know?”, I asked, not really looking for a real answer.
“It wouldn’t feel right if it was someone else. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”
It hit me all of a sudden. Oh my gosh. He’s serious about us. I guess I’d always kind of known from the way he looks at me and treats me (and obviously from the things he’s said above), but I guess for him to verbalize it is so amazing to me.
I’m not used to the unselfish love of a man (I’d always been on the other end, running AFTER a man). I have chased all kinds of douchebags, liars, manipulators, and fakers. I’m used to unrequited love and getting my heart broken. That was the familiar for me. And meeting my honey is a complete 180.
I’ve told him that it’ll take me awhile before I get used to the fact that he says that he loves me. “I don’t mind reminding you every day.”
I’ve always been a hopeless romantic and for years, I longed to find someone who would love me as much as I loved them. My first kiss was taken away from me by a friend when I was 13 years old. It was cold, invasive and not a pleasant experience.
When my honey first kissed me, it was warm, accepting and a euphoric experience. Before he had kissed me, I didn’t know that kisses were supposed to be like that.
I don’t think he’s gonna pop the question anytime soon (mostly because of work circumstances. He is leaving the city in 1.5 years and then living somewhere for 1 year, and after that, God knows where he’ll end up). I think he would want stability in his own work life first before committing to us. But its a wonderful thought to know that I don’t have to worry about being alone anymore, even when I’m by myself 🙂